


The Wrong Number

by NeonDomino



Series: The A-Z of WolfStar AUs [20]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Text Messages, Texting, Texting!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 09:41:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6074466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonDomino/pseuds/NeonDomino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Sirius texts the wrong number and is pleasantly surprised.</p><p>Alternatively - Remus replies to a text and realises he's never going to have a quiet moment again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wrong Number

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written on 30th November 2015 on fanfiction.net
> 
> These are text messages sent between Sirius and Remus.
> 
> Normal text is Remus, Italics are Sirius (because Sirius seems like an Italics sort of person)

_Hi._

Hi. Who is this?

_Like you don't remember me - from the party last night._

I wasn't at a party yesterday. I'm sorry, I think you've got me mixed up with someone else.

_Are you sure? Maybe if I sent you a picture, you'd remember me?_

**[Picture Sent]**

This is you? I would most certainly remember you!

_You're just joking with me, aren't you? You were at the party last night. I took down the number correctly, I know it!_

It's not me. Look, I'll prove it.

**[Picture Received]**

_Oh. Okay, I'm really sorry to bother you. Guess the guy gave me a fake number. James warned me as such, said the guy seemed a bit... you know. Sorry._

I'm sorry - someone actually gave you a fake number?

_Yeah. :(_

But... why? I don't understand! Do you smell? Are you shorter than you look? Do you spit when you talk?

_I'll have you know, I smell just fine, thank you very much. I smell like sunshine and meadows._

You smell like sunshine? This I have to hear more about... also, is this your way of telling me that you're short?

_If you say Five Ten (and a half) is short._

It is.

_How tall are you?_

Six Two. The height of real men!

_I am a real man! Ask James, he's seen me naked (long story, I'll explain later.) Nice, I have a thing for tall guys. Also, I don't spit when I talk, before you ask._

I wasn't going to ask, and I don't know if I want to hear this story...

_You were, and it's nothing perverted. I dislocated my knee and when I had the cast off, James had to help me in and out of the bath._

Do you bathe with James often?

_No! Of course not. I was injured. James is like family._

Yet he's able to tell me whether you're a real man or not.

_Family or not, any man would be intimidated by what is in my trousers!_

Sure, sure. Unless what they have can top what you have!

_Oooh, I like you! What's your name?_

Remus. You?

_I'm Sirius. So... why didn't you believe that someone gave me a fake number?_

Because you're not bad looking, I suppose.

_You suppose? What do you mean you suppose? I've been called many things, and 'not bad looking' may be the most insulting._

I don't understand. How is that insulting?

_How would you feel if I said that you were (and I quote) 'not bad looking, I suppose'._

I'd be quite flattered actually.

_Why? You're sexy as hell, and you'd accept a 'not bad looking' comment?_

I wouldn't go as far as being called sexy as hell. You're exaggerating.

_I'm not. I've already saved your picture under your name, so if you call me, the picture will come up._

You just want to perv over my picture, don't you!

_Pretty much. Don't worry, you can do the same with mine, if you want. I know I look sexy._

It's a bit blurred.

_Hold on, I'll send a clearer one. So - are you single? Gay? Bisexual? Bicurious? Open to dating or would consider dating a man?_

Gender doesn't bother me.

_I notice you didn't answer the 'are you single' comment._

I am, yes.

_Great. Good to know._

**[Picture Sent]**

Is there a reason why you sent a picture of yourself topless? Is it because I said you weren't bad looking before?

_Maybe. What do you think now?_

You're not going to drop it, are you?

_Not at all! What do you think? Tell me!_

Fine. Sirius - you clearly have a superior body and every man in the world (and some women) should be jealous of the perfection that is Sirius (insert your last name)!

_Now that wasn't so hard, was it?_

Yes. Yes, it was.

_It wasn't. It doesn't hurt to share kind words, Remus. I mean, I look at your picture, with your lovely long lashes and amazing amber eyes and I can't help but write text messages to you, even though you don't know me and I don't know you._

Yeah, why is that?

_Because I want to get to know you, Remus._

This is a bit creepy now.

_You say that, but you've been texting back pretty quick. You don't seem to want to stop either. If I'm creepy, you're just as creepy._

You saved my picture in case I call you.

_Of course. I'm enjoying this flirting after all, I want to know what you sound like. I bet you have a pretty voice._

Pretty voice? I'll have you know I have a manly voice.

_I bet it's just as pretty as your eyes._

Now I'm starting to see why the guy gave you the fake number.

_You wound me, Remus. I'm actually loveable. It's not my fault that guys are intimidated by my beauty._

You're not conceited at all, are you?

_Not in the slightest. Is it conceited to tell the truth? In fact, sometimes I have been known to downplay my extreme handsomeness and attractiveness._

I can't imagine how you are single with that attitude.

_There's no need to be sarcastic._

Oh, there is every need to be sarcastic.

_I'm just thinking about what a beautiful couple we'd make, Remus._

Why am I still texting you?

_Because you can't resist me! I'm irresistible._

The guy at the party certainly didn't think so!

_He was clearly too straight to appreciate me. So... do you live in or near London? What is your type of guy? And your favourite meal?_

Why? You plan on taking me out to dinner?

_How did you guess? Just answer the question, Remus!_

Yes, not far from London, though I'm not telling you where. My type is modest guys, who aren't short.

_Wow, we have the same type. We're made for each other!_

My favourite meal is anything that has chocolate dessert at the end.

_Fate. You're perfect for me!_

How is that fate?

_How else would I have been given the number for someone so good looking and perfect by mistake? So, when can I take you out?_

I'm sorry, I don't date people I don't know.

_Well, I'm not going to give up, Remus. You'll know me quite well over the next few weeks. I'll have you saying yes yet!_

God help me.

_No-one can help you now ;)_


End file.
